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When someone close to you dies, it can be a really hard and confusing time. If you have been looking after a person that dies, you might feel a bit lost with what to do now. There is no right or wrong way to feel when someone dies, it’s different for everyone. But it’s important to remember you are not alone. 

How might I feel when someone dies?

When someone dies, we can feel so many different emotions. When you first find out about someone dying, you might not know how to feel. Sometimes it doesn’t hit us until a bit later on, and how you feel might change from day to day, hour to hour. The most important thing to remember is that it is okay to feel however you feel, upset, angry, sad, confused, or even relieved.

If you’ve been looking after someone that has died, their death might be a strange time because you are also stopping looking after them. Looking after the person who has died might have been something you had been doing for a very long time, and so suddenly being without that role may be hard and strange. Remember that it is okay to feel a sense of relief, to feel anger or guilt.

And it’s not just how you feel that might change. You may feel tired, have achy muscles or feel tight, have stomach aches or feel a bit sick, and you might find you are sleeping a lot, or finding it hard to get any sleep at all.

However you’re feeling, it’s important to be kind to yourself. Try to make sure you are eating meals and healthy snacks when you can, going for a walk to help clear your head and move your body, or listen to your favorite music to take your mind off things.

Where can I get help?

Your family and friends might be who you want to talk to after someone has died, but what you might find is people feel a bit awkward and you might not be sure how to talk to them about what you’re feeling, and they might not know what to say. Sometimes it helps if you let the people close to you know what you need, like maybe you want to talk about the person who has died with them and remember them, maybe you want to talk about their death, or maybe you don’t want to talk about them at all.

If you want to talk to someone else, or get information or advice here are some great websites and helplines that can help you after someone has died:

  • Hope Again
    Hope Again is a website supporting young people after someone has died. They have personal stories of others who have lost someone, advice around remembering the person who has died and more. You can also send them an email at hopeagain@cruse.org.uk to talk to a trained volunteer about how you are feeling.
  • Winston’s Wish
    Winston’s Wish supports children and young people when someone has died. They have a helpline, online chat, crisis messenger and and email service if you want to reach out and talk to someone about what you’re going through.
  • Child Bereavement UK 
    Child Bereavement UK has an app and a game to help young people who are going through grief after someone has died. They also have videos and stories of experiences from other young people.
  • Wiltshire Tree House
    If you live in Wiltshire, Wiltshire Tree House can support you over the phone with how you’re feeling after someone has died. They are currently offering a new bereavement project for school children ages 6 – 11, which will run from the Trowbridge area 3 times a year. The programme is open to all Wiltshire children in this age group. By using creative activities young people will be able to express their grief and explore coping strategies, as well as connecting with others who have experienced loss. For more details visit https://www.wiltshiretreehouse.org.uk/uploaded_files/1083/images/NEST%20leaflet%20Wilts%20V1.pdf.  To book onto this programme ask your parents to visit www.wiltshiretreehouse.org.uk and fill out the WILTSHIRE TREEHOUSE REFERRAL FORM on the home page.

You can also check out our mental health helpline and website page for more places that can help you at this time.

Remember you are not alone.